Hello! Welcome to my blog. I have wanted to start a blog for such a long time but always came up with many excuses not to, some being – not enough time, nothing interesting to write about, rusty grammar skills, I prefer reading other people's blogs, everyone's doing it and most of all because I am probably one of the most guarded and private people that ever existed, sharing so much about myself absolutely terrifies me. But I'm 34 years old for goodness sake, it's about time I came out of my shell a bit. To be honest my first post began as an Instagram caption that went on for far too long so I decided to continue writing it as my first blog entry. My name is Christine. I'll probably write mostly about life as a mother to three young children. Maybe a bit about married life. Lots about print designs, handmade goods, children's crafts, chocolate and cake. We'll see! I hope you enjoy my posts.
While everyone around me talked grief, all I wanted to do was sing glory. I am very much part of the church but my family and I don’t go to church (apart from twice this year for my birthday and Mother’s Day).
When I came across something Levi Lusko said – “we grieve but we glory”, it struck my heart so powerfully that even though reading books is not my favourite thing to do I had to buy his book immediately. Everything written in it helped to cement what was already in my heart. It was like receiving a reassuring and encouraging hug, like being in a room with everyone speaking a foreign language then suddenly hearing someone speak to you in your language.
The grief is crushing and ongoing; twice recently I’ve been walking in the park with my children, the three of them were ahead playing in full view and out of the blue this awful, sickening, piercing anxious dread came over me, similar to when you lose sight of your child for a few too many seconds. It searingly reinforced what a gaping hole our child left here. Losing our little one early in pregnancy is the most devastating, traumatic, painful thing I’ve ever been through, but grief is not the whole story. I can also look back and continue to live each day in amazement because during this darkness I have experienced some of the most awesome and unforgettable moments of my life, some I never even imagined were possible, the tenderness with which God cares for us in the horrific times is beyond words. Every pain has been soothed, fear disarmed, whispers of guilt crushed, longing satisfied, despair destroyed because of the truth, the hope, the comfort, the joy, the peace and the overpowering love welling up in abundance as my weary heart turns it all over to the Lord.
Truth brings peace, calm and security. When I have lied; it made me feel guilt and shame. When I have been lied to; it was confusion and anger. Lies always need and breed more lies, this causes even more confusion. Some money went missing at work once, it caused suspicion, division, blame, anger, conflict, worry and unrest amongst colleagues. Even though I hadn’t taken it I found myself filled with fear that someone might think that I did. When the truth came out it restored unity and calm and no doubt brought freedom from fear and guilt to the person who had been dishonest. Only truth opens a way for forgiveness. Lies don’t allow this process, a lie keeps a person a prisoner in shame and guilt. When I’ve told a lie, I can see that my initial feeling is wanting to appear as truthful as possible. A lie always tries to imitate the truth. When we’re conned we have no idea we are being lied to until we find out the truth, only then do we see the trail of deceit and destruction.
Unrest, division, panic, confusion, anger, fear, guilt, shame and insecurity are all symptoms of lies. In life, in relationships, our marriages, our families, in society, in how we feel about ourselves or in our behaviour. These feelings, however mild or intense should never be tolerated as a normal part of everyday life.
By my pathetic self judgement and preconceptions about Jesus I thought I knew the things I had done wrong but I could never even begin to comprehend the extent of my sin, until I was shown. When I decided to put all my trust in God he breathed truth into my life, only then was I able to see my trail of destruction. I was able to see how utterly imperfect I am. Despite this God forgave me, drenching me with love, mercy and grace the instant I asked for forgiveness and gave my life to him in the quiet of my bedroom. By choosing to have a relationship with Jesus, he helps, teaches and makes it possible (by instilling a desire) to always walk in truth whatever our weaknesses and whatever situation we face. What a wonderful peace, calm and security he gives because He IS the truth.
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6