Made for More

As well as encouraging and kind words, the world has called me voiceless, strange, tomboy, oyinbo, spoilt child, abandoned, unloved, too white, half-caste, k**n, n****r, troublemaker, waster, s**g, druggy, victim, survivor. I’ve called myself worse at times; worthless, damaged, broken and I have also definitely not always been a voice of kindness and encouragement to others. Spiritually, unseen demons have harassed me, relentlessly chanting that I was hopeless, a mess, that there was no point in continuing to live.

But when I met Jesus my life changed forever and suddenly it didn’t matter what I, the world or the demonic labelled me because I knew whose I was, what my purpose was, where I came from and where I’m going. For the first time I had peace beyond understanding and joy I never knew before welled up from deep within me. His forgiveness and love for me meant I could forgive and love those who hurt me, bringing such freedom in the depths of my soul! My identity didn’t lie in my upbringing, the colour of my skin, my mixed heritage, being a parent, my religion, my addictions, my traumas, my achievements or my life choices.

From the minute we are born, the cry of our heart is to find our home, a place of belonging. We search all our lives, looking to find our identity in relationships of all kinds, expecting people to fill us, to “make us complete”, we make idols of people and call them “my everything” without even questioning the weight of that and whether those people even want and can live up to be “our everything”, we look to careers that will end, financial status that can change in the blink of an eye, religions that take take take, race, traditions, cultures, sexual identity, addictions, we are always searching for what satisfies. And none of it ever gives full and lasting satisfaction.

All these things can’t fill us because we were made for much more than what they can give us. God made us in his image and deep down in our hearts we know it very well, the longing is for our creator. When we allow Jesus to take his rightful place as Lord of our lives, everything changes. We no longer look to others or anything else to validate our existence because his presence alone sets everything right. The love he has for you is like nothing else. You are loved and his arms are open, always open for you to make the best decision you will ever make, to turn from being your own god to the living God. It’s a costly move; you are going to lose the life you know and all your desires for this world.

“If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” Matthew 10:39

If you just knew how much God loves you and the new life that is freely available to you! A life with a hope and a future! The world may have labelled you, condemned you, crushed you (and worse WILL come simply because you follow Jesus!) but God calls you “my precious child – I’ve been looking out for you, I’ve been chasing you, I was there all those times you thought I wasn’t, I’ve been waiting for you”

Luke 15:20-24

“So he got up and went to his father.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”

Are you ready?

Find a mirror, take a breath and breathe onto it.

News of a beautiful baby born and more joy with another arrival. A midnight phone call, coma, ongoing critical care. A message received, illness, treatment, recovery. Waking up to the news of the death of a loved one. 5 lives. 12 days into July.

Are you ready for what is to come?

My soul was pressed yesterday and in that pressing a song erupted from deep within “we thank you for the cross”. Thank you Jesus you did not leave us in despair, darkness, bleakness, blackness, dead in our sin. I rejoiced singing at the top of my lungs because what a Father we have. Thankful we have hope, peace, joy, love, truth, light, a future and an eternity in His perfect presence.

“Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” James 4:14

We are good at making plans, booking holidays years in advance. Finalising our retirement plans. Talking of tomorrow as if it’s a given but we can’t even secure anywhere near the next millisecond of our lives.

How much thought have you given to what will happen to you when you die? What ever conclusion you have come to, are you certain?

Are you certain?

Are you certain you will be reincarnated? Are you certain you will be floating around in the atmosphere? Are you certain you will disintegrate until no trace is left? Are you certain you will go and sit on a fluffy cloud with loved ones? Are you certain you are headed for heaven? Are you certain there is nothing more? Are you certain that no one can ever be certain of what comes after death?

We see that our bodies decay, so what about the part of ourselves that we don’t see physically? Our spirituality? The unseen. Do we just switch off? Does that part of us even age and decay? I’ve heard a few over 90’s say they still feel 19 inside.

We are on this earth for a little while then we are gone. A mist that vanishes. Life is short and death is certain, I plead with you to be certain about who or what you have put your trust in when you take your last breath.

I know that lies cannot uphold, so when we put our trust in a lie it will crumble at the slightest testing. Truth stands firm and is unchanging.

Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” John 14:6

With truth comes certainty. Truth floodlights every single lie. There are many lies but there is only one truth. Truth is a person, his name is Jesus.

Take a deep breath and breathe onto a mirror. Your life is a mist. Here and then gone. If you desire to receive life, in this short life and for eternity, then simply ask Jesus.

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12

Annoying Christians

I’ve been around countless Christians my whole life, when I was younger there were a few that I found a little annoying. Funnily it wasn’t the ones who pointed out my faults, it wasn’t the ones who shoved the bible in my face, I could handle those people by laughing or walking off. No, the ones that really annoyed me were the impossibly calm and kind ones. They glided around as if everything was perfect in their lives. They were always smiling, kindness and peace endlessly shone out of them.

I remember sniggering at how boring it must be to make so much effort to be good all the time. They were nice, too nice, but I didn’t want to be around them, I lived my life at the other extreme of their lifestyle.

In my early teens I chose to stop going to church which I found either boring or cringey. I spent the next decade living to fill my life with everything I could. Hangover after hangover, comedown after comedown. I lived for me. I needed constant refuelling, more nights out, more holidays, more stuff, more experiences. Then one Christmas I found myself alone, my mum was out the country and unexpectedly feeling lonely I opened a bible (yep that’s how lonely I was!) and this verse jumped out at me –

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you” Isaiah 66:13.

Those words shot through my soul like a lightening strike. Freaked out I slammed that bible shut and didn’t go near another one for over two years!

Because of my upbringing and because I believed in God I always labelled my self as a Christian. What I now know is I was a big hypocrite; I knew of Jesus but I didn’t know Jesus and had no desire to know him. I had long outgrown the sweet childhood stories I heard about him.

In my twenties I was at a point in my life where I hadn’t made any plans. As I had time to reflect I felt really tired, not physically but internally. There was a strange empty longing in my heart. I didn’t understand it because there was no obvious reason. I turned to the self help section at a book shop but was overwhelmed by the titles and every book became relevant as I’d experienced a lot of hurt in my life, but this emptiness was more than that, I went home empty handed.

Soon after that, I was alone in my bedroom and all the feelings imploded, I was done, broken I fell to my knees and I made a pretty scary decision, I cried out to God “I am ready for you to take the lead in my life”. I was a mess and I felt so sorry. Instantly I felt an enormous burden release from my body. A huge weight that I wasn’t even aware that I was carrying lifted off me! Then love came flooding into my heart. Beautiful, powerful, pure love. Wow. The ache in my heart disappeared. It has never come back.

At the time I didn’t realise the small changes that started taking place but looking back now I see my faith started to grow, I also started losing the thirsts for once strong and embedded desires – things that I’d depended on for happiness no longer had a hold on me. I even had the urge to read the “dusty old boring impossible to read” bible, it suddenly felt comforting to me. I didn’t understand most of it but I found hope in Jeremiah 29.11 and although I didn’t know the deeper meaning at the time, I trusted the promise of it.

Soon there came a major turn around in my life and within a year I became a mother and a wife. I thought I was in the home straight of life;- settled, sober and best of all I was secure in the knowledge God loved me. I was content. A few years later life turned bad, really bad. I started praying again, desperately. My faith was tested, I was broken and in a very dark place, I had nothing left in me but to trust God and wait. He showed up in the most mighty, incredible, no words could ever fully describe way! (However helpless a situation feels, God ALWAYS turns it around for good, at his perfect timing). I came out of the most difficult time of my life in absolute awe of how wonderful our Lord is, stunned at the incredible turnaround of my situation, completely forgetting the pain and trouble. His love, his power, his beyond perfect explanations, his wonderfulness overpowered the darkness. He breathed truth into me that exposed every single lie. He showed me an incredible love and attention to detail in my life in ways I couldn’t possibly begin to describe, a love that I definitely did not deserve.

The presence of his perfectness instantly exposed the depth of my imperfectness, the destructiveness of my vast sin and, most humbling, was the fact I used to categorise sin but it became perfectly clear that God does not categorise sin the way we do, it’s one category! I am utterly imperfect but incomprehensibly loved.

I begged to be wrapped up in this incredible love forever, powerful as thunder and so extremely gentle. I begged God to just take me with him, words that I never thought possible to come from me, a woman with a husband and children who I love so strongly. So I asked “if I can’t come with you now how do I stay close to you?” And suddenly my heart flooded – “JESUS” – and as if someone flicked a switch – I was able to see Jesus. As if an invisible screen had been lifted, I saw where he had been all my life, how he had always been there waiting for me, even through the times I had rejected him and laughed at him, it became crystal clear what he had done for me and I fell head over heels in love with him. What joy!

I now understand what peace that surpasses all understanding means and the joy in all circumstances. He really is the light of the world. Jesus never just said “hey I know the way, psst I know the truth, life is over there… ” he said “I AM the way, the truth and the life”. “I AM” !

Something strange also happened – I started to read the bible again but this time I understood it’s meaning. The book that was old and dusty and not easy to understand suddenly became alive and read like the most beautiful love letter. I had been given sharp fresh new ears to hear and eyes to see what God was saying. I finally understood what the guy who wrote “Amazing Grace” was talking about – “I was blind but now I see”! Life became so bright, I never even realised I was in darkness before light came in. I started to see strangers the way God sees them, totally precious and loved beyond measure. My heart became calm, totally content with an abundance of joy, continually being drenched in a constant love that has me singing and dancing and wanting to shout about Jesus from every roof top. He’s Alive!!! He loves you!!!! So much!

Now I see that God’s love is not to do with our efforts in being “good”, or practicing religious duties or trying to change ourselves. It is not by our efforts at all. There is absolutely nothing we can do to make God love us any more or any less. No matter how far we run, he is patiently waiting for us to turn back to him. He loves us and has made a way for us in Jesus. We need do nothing else, absolutely nothing else, but trust in him. 

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16

Truth

Truth brings peace, calm and security. When I have lied; it made me feel guilt and shame. When I have been lied to; it was confusion and anger. Lies always need and breed more lies, this causes even more confusion. Some money went missing at work once, it caused suspicion, division, blame, anger, conflict, worry and unrest amongst colleagues. Even though I hadn’t taken it I found myself filled with fear that someone might think that I did. When the truth came out it restored unity and calm and no doubt brought freedom from fear and guilt to the person who had been dishonest. Only truth opens a way for forgiveness. Lies don’t allow this process, a lie keeps a person a prisoner in shame and guilt. When I’ve told a lie, I can see that my initial feeling is wanting to appear as truthful as possible. A lie always tries to imitate the truth. When we’re conned we have no idea we are being lied to until we find out the truth, only then do we see the trail of deceit and destruction. 

Unrest, division, panic, confusion, anger, fear, guilt, shame and insecurity are all symptoms of lies. In life, in relationships, our marriages, our families, in society, in how we feel about ourselves or in our behaviour. These feelings, however mild or intense should never be tolerated as a normal part of everyday life.   

By my pathetic self judgement and preconceptions about Jesus I thought I knew the things I had done wrong but I could never even begin to comprehend the extent of my sin, until I was shown. When I decided to put all my trust in God he breathed truth into my life, only then was I able to see my trail of destruction. I was able to see how utterly imperfect I am. Despite this God forgave me, drenching me with love, mercy and grace the instant I asked for forgiveness and gave my life to him in the quiet of my bedroom. By choosing to have a relationship with Jesus, he helps, teaches and makes it possible (by instilling a desire) to always walk in truth whatever our weaknesses and whatever situation we face. What a wonderful peace, calm and security he gives because He IS the truth. 


“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6